How can i get thru this it hurts SO MUCH?

i moved to another state bcz i couldnt find a job where i lived. my bf suspected me of cheating when i visited the state for a week to look for jobs. he yelled & cursed at me, really hurt my feelings. when i came home he showed up with flowers & apology but i didnt respond bcz i was really angry. i felt tired of going thru this with him he ALWAYS suspects me of cheating. i never cheated on him. i go to work & come home. he never looked for a job, didnt have a job & did "things" in the streets to make $$. we argued alot & bcz of it i wasnt into with him. i also didnt trust him & believe i had good reason. he usually comes back after an argument but this time he didnt. havent heard from him in 3 months. i was thinking about times he came around smelling really nice. he usually wears nice things & cologne but a couple of times the smell of his cologne smelled a little TOO nice. i suspected he got physical with some girl her & her scent got on his clothes. i noticed articles of clothes i never saw him in, including a pair of boxers. he was in a rehab, coming out every day supposedly to "go to school" but he was doing street activity. he wasnt doing what he was supposed to be doing in that rehab. i'm in the new state now trying to live my life but the heartache is so STRONG its hard to snap out of it. it hurts like hell that he might've cheated on me. i dont know for sure if he did but how could he stop communicating with me altogether? he didnt come by or call to say good luck, keep in touch, nothing. i'm not much of a people person & the last thing i want is a new boyfriend. i find myself wishing bad things would happen to him, especially if he's in a new relationship. how can he do this to me he always said he loved me so much & thinks about me everyday & doesnt want to be with anyone BUT me. can someone shoot me some tips or advice please?